2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
