i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
