I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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