Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize