i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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