The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
