my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
