turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
