My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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