Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
