i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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