Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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