It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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