the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
