i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
