now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
