The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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