the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
