so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
