i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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