you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
