I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
