I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
