Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
