Pants 0. Shit 1.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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