I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
