how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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