You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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