We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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