she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
