Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
