Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
