I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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