I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
