Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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