you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
