She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
