Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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