i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
