That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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