Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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