cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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