yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
