Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
