i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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