We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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