i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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