dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
