i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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