glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
